This afternoon, I just finished watching "Heart" (Indonesian movie) for the second time, i still couldn't get over how stupid a man can be. Farel (Irwansyah) didn't even realize that all this time Rachel (Nirina) was in love with him. I just wished that Rachel wouldn't be so stupid for not telling Farel how she felt about him ..

Once, I had a fight with my big bro about this, he was defending Farel and I was defending Rachel . i don't want to tell you the detail but the point is . i want him to see that there is love in friendship and love is sacrifice . and to think that Farel never realized that . it doesn't make sense to me . what is love to him . he chose love over friendship . it didn't make sense to me . 'cause for me . friendship is love and more ..

I just finished watching the season final of America's Next Top Model ..

I thought it was the best runway show in the history of ANTM so far .. it was intense, and it was the first time that i see there's a competition between the final 2 ..

i was really disappointed with Caridee . her runway walk was disastrous . when the first time she walked . the way she walked was out of place . i didn't see model at all . her shoulder and posture were terrible . her expression was okay at first but then it got ugly ..

Melrose was amazing on the runway . she was beautiful . although i was disappointed also when she broke down and panicked when her dress was torn . models don't do that ..

On the judging room . Tyra said that to reach the final decision, they're going to see from overall photoshoots .. i was glad to hear that .. because i knew Caridee would have won . she had stronger pictures than Melrose . and I was right .. Caridee won ..

last night i chatted with my friend from Bangkok .. i'll cut to the chase and start where it got interesting .. it was about my display name on MSN which is "it's hard to care bout someone when they don't care bout you"

so it went something like this (i've translated it to English) ..

she : your nick is funny
me : it's how i feel what can i do ..
she : it shouldn't be like that . we can't expect anything in return when we give to someone
me : it's not like i want something in return . but i'm a pushover and always say yes to everything and people like to take advantage . so, for once i want someone to care about me because i care about them.

well . she didn't reply then signed off ..

i was thinking if i were egotistical to think so . but the scenario where i sacrificed my time and energy for people that i love and care was playing on my head . and so i thought . it wasn't ego but it was a need to get respected from them for what i did and i don't it's ego . 'cause i don't get that a lot ...

you know ..

i like to write .. most of my friends think so too .. it is a fact ..

when i feel something or thinking about something .. i tend to write things down ..

but now ..

i don't do that often ..

i mean i thought i'm going to use my blog to write things that are deep down in my thought and heart .. but it's not like that .. things that i've posted here are something general .. it's not often for me to write things that are deep ..

i'm just afraid that people i know will read it and make fun of it .*maybe some of you thinks .. why do i even have a blog .. but hey . i have my way* . like what my big bro likes to do when i told him something that are deep .. not anymore .. now we tend to fight ..

anyway .. i wish i know how to write deep thought or feeling easily .. maybe i need my own space .. i mean like a laptop or something

i really wish i won't be afraid to write things down . so i can't express everything easily .. i used to do that .. but they made fun of it .. i just don't want that ..

America's Next Top Model (ANTM).. i've been a fan of this show since cycle .. *i forgot . but Naima won*

here in Singapore, they haven't run ANTM cycle 7 which is the latest so since i had nothing to do .. i've started to watch the cycle 7 on youtube .. just finished watching the 2 hour premiere of it .. i thought i wanted to continue but it's quite late so i've decided to update my blog ..

the girls on cycle 7 are okay .. some of them have models' faces .. some are just plain

some of them have quite boring photoshoots .. they have the same expressions .. the same this and that .. some of them are gorgeous ..

anyway .. i love antm .. but the funny thing is .. when i see the pictures of contestants from each week .. most of the time .. my comments are almost the same like the judges especially Tyra .. i wonder what it means ..

Dear Rid,

Here is your personal palm reading! This will be a general reading of your
palm, and what it says about you and your personality. Enjoy.

First let's take a look at your Life Line. You have the best kind of Life Line,
long and clearly marked. This shows that you will possess good health, vitality
and a very nice life expectancy. The wide swooping motion of your Life Line
indicates strength, enthusiasm and an improved love life. The little lines you
see extending upward from your Life Line are representative of your ability to
recuperate. The break in your Life Line may be an indicator of an accident or
serious illness. This break is an indication of a sudden change in your life
situation.

Now let's see what your Head Line had to say. Your Head Line is deep, long and
straight, stretching across the palm. This indicates a logical and direct way
of thinking. The straighter the line, the more realistic the thinking, and the
deeper the line, the better the memory. If your Head Line is forked near the
middle of your palm, it shows an important new interest. If it is forked at the
end, it shows a descent into second childhood. The joining of your Head Line
and Life Line at the beginning indicates that your strong sense of mind
generally rules over your body. You also look at childhood with a cautious and
fearful outlook.

The last line we'll look at is your Heart Line. A slight disregard to the true
meaning of love and its responsibilities are indicated by a Heart Line like
yours that starts between the middle and index finger. You tend to easily give
your heart away. The small lines you may see extending upward from your Heart
Line are a good sign, as they illustrate happiness in love. Those little lines
you see running downward from your Heart Line indicate disappointments in love.

You have a spade-shaped hand. This is the hand of an inventor. You are
probably very good with all things mechanical. Often those who've forged new
paths in science and engineering have a spade-shaped hand. Women who have this
type of hand enjoy do-it-yourself projects (decorating and sewing). It also
gives these women a manual dexterity greater than most men have.

We hope that gives you a little more insight into your personality, and your
palm. Thanks for visiting us.

Your friend,
The OFE Palm Reader

this is the question that i want to ask my close friends ..

who am i to you ?

because sometimes .. my friends like me for who they want me to be and not for who i want to be or even who i am

sometimes .. i regard them as family but they don't regard me as one of them

sometimes .. they only regard me as 'just friend' but i told people they're my closest friend

from all the friends and close friends that i have .. only 1 who has said to me "i'm your best friend"

maybe for some people it's not important at all, but to me it's very important as it's one my weakness .. i tend to hold on to a relationship/friendship and never let go even when i suffer from it

so tell me .. who am i to you ?

Happy 25th Birthday to my beloved ..


BRITNEY SPEARS


Wish U All The Best !!



note : i know it's too late, but with my exams and what's happening to my big bro, i forgot lots of stuff ..

first of all, it's not about my real brothers but my "other" brother, he's a close friend that i call and regard as big brother ..

anyway, you should've known about the accident, well .. the operation was successful, i was waiting, quite long and it felt uneasy, i was like .. why he hasn't come out yet ? is everything okay ? .. you know .. all that uneasy feeling ..

well, when i saw him on the bed getting ready to be transferred to the operation room, i just couldn't hold my tears, i don't know why .. i was just afraid and worry .. maybe people will laugh at you for crying, but that was what i felt, it was really sad when you see someone's close to you getting ready for the operation .. especially when the worst case scenario was playing on my mind all the time . it's not a good feeling ..

well, he's okay now, he's back home, hopefully i'll be able to visit him soon .. don't know when though, i'm busy with my exams now, so i send him sms or call him to check what's goin' on with him ..

when we ( me & my other 4 friends) were waiting for the operation, we just felt guilty when his mother told us that we should be careful on the escalator, if not we'll end up like my big bro, but the truth is, that's not what happened .. all the things that his mum said to us were making us more and more guilty .. if only he heard what she said to us, he might cry ..

I am just me, I don't know how to describe myself. You just have to be close tome me to know me.

Writing has been a big part of my life. It's the first thing that I want to do when something is happening.

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