Write On
3.31.2007> 0 comments

"Writing has been a part of my life."
There's no secret to that anymore. Those who know me would know this. But on these past weeks, it's been hard for me to write. You'll notice from my previous update that something has been keeping me from writing on this blog, not physical barrier but more of emotional barrier. There were and still are a lot that I have to deal with in my life.

Yesterday, I spoke to two of my friends about one of the problem that had made me worried for the past weeks. My heart felt lighter after that. I trust them and it took me a long time to finally realize that I can trust them.

Today, I'm able to write again, easily without any worry. So I'm going to write about someone today ...

He's the first person that I consider as my closest friend. I've been struggling with friendship problems for years, and I thought when I met him, these problem would go, but the fact is that it's getting harder and more complicated.

I always thought that he's my protector, but it seems to be the other way around. He is just so naive and fragile, he is easy to be provoked. I'm always there when he needed me, but he's never been there for me.

There was one day when we were chatting, he noticed that I was having problem and I expected him to offer him to be my shoulder to cry on, I thought I said that I don't know who to trust to tell this problem, and he simply said, "You and *someone* are close, why don't you talk to her." He didn't said it like he didn't want to hear me, but a feeling struck me, a feeling that I thought to myself at that time, "I am wrong, he's not the one". It's sad to feel that a person that I care the most, a person that I regard as a close friend makes me feel like I'm just a person that he knows.

I couldn't take it anymore. Once a friend of mine told me that I can't want something in return, but is it wrong to at least get their respect? is it wrong to at least wanting to have someone that care about me when I care about them? is it wrong? please don't tell me that it's wrong!

I know for a fact that I've never been totally honest in any of my entries on this blog, including this one, sometimes I write fiction and doesn't state that it's a fiction, but I do this and I'll always do this to protect at least one person who means a lot to me.



Update (Edited)
3.18.2007> 0 comments

It took me quite a while to finally decided to use this template. I thought it wouldn't be right for me to use this template as the contents of this blog are mostly, sad things .. you know .. but hey, it's not like I don't want to change.

Anyway, I've been hesitating to write something here for sometimes now, I don't know exactly why, but something deep in my heart keep telling me, don't write anything here for a while.

Something big is bothering me, it's a mix of feeling, I feel everything from sad, worry, resentment, all these bad emotions and more. But for now, I won't write it here, maybe someday I will, or maybe never .. we just have to see, how everything will turn out ..

*Update : I've switched back to the old template.



I Need Someone
3.06.2007> 0 comments

lots of things that I want to talk about but I don't know who to talk to. I was counting on my fellow teen helpers but they're not available right now. I try to talk with my friend in New Zealand, but I don't really want to disturb him with phone calls and text messaging.

Some of my close friends has offered to be my shoulders to cry on, but I avoid that since, honestly it's about one of them.

I actually have to ask for my teacher's advice for one of my problem. It's the first time that I actually almost cried in front of a teacher.

It's really getting too much for me, I can't bear it alone, so I decided to share one of my problem or should I say, one of my biggest worry to one of my best friend, but I ask that friend not to say a word to anyone.

Seriously, I really need someone to talk to ...





Not Ready To Make Nice
> 0 comments

{*Dedicated to everyone of you who said to me that time will heal my wound ..}

by Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting

I'm through, with doubt,
There's nothing left for me to figure out,
I've paid a price, and i'll keep paying

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I know you said
Why can't you just get over it,
It turned my whole world around
and i kind of like it

I made by bed, and I sleep like a baby,
With no regrets and I don't mind saying,
It's a sad sad story
That a mother will teach her daughter
that she ought to hate a perfect stranger.
And how in the world
Can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they'd write me a letter
Saying that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

I'm not ready to make nice,
I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should

Forgive, sounds good.
Forget, I'm not sure I could.
They say time heals everything,
But I'm still waiting



the author
I am just me, I don't know how to describe myself. You just have to be close tome me to know me.

Writing has been a big part of my life. It's the first thing that I want to do when something is happening.

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