Have you ever felt that you miss someone, and you actually meet that person almost everyday? Well, I have and that's exactly what I'm feeling right now. I miss a person whom I consider very close.

I miss him, a close friend who has time to hang out outside the school, a close friend who always call me every night to chat, a close friend who is there for me. All of that stuffs that I like about him have gone almost entirely, the ironic thing is, we haven't even graduated yet, but it's almost feel like we are already living in two different worlds.

Everyday I pray to God, to bring him back, the old him, the old close friend that I can rely on. For now, God hasn't answer my prayer yet, but I hope someday, one day, God will answer my prayer and he'll be back, we'll be back, and we'll have fun again like old time. At least for one day, I want feel like old time again, because I think he's unlikely to keep in touch with me again. So God, at least just one day.

I already miss him a lot, well we're not a couple, but he's my closest friend ever, and I'm feeling that we're growing apart, and I'm afraid that we're growing to far apart ...

I was blog walking yesterday, and I came to a blog of my dear friend. He was posting about, how his "best friend" had disappointed him. And then, we were chatting online, and I started talking about his problem, because believe it or not, I had the same problem as his. He said, it happened three years ago, and they're okay now, they're back as best friend, and his friend actually said that my friend is the best friend he ever had. and I was like .. how lucky

I had the same problem, but it doesn't turn out the way it turned out for my friend. I was a little jealous, because he has what I always want. I guess after what happened to me about this matter, I've arrived on a hypothesis, maybe there's no such thing as the term "True Friends".

You know, I really have a big problem on letting go. I've been betrayed by the same "best friend ever" for quite sometime without even him realizing it, and for that, I paid the price and I'm still paying, because I just wouldn't let go. I'm afraid that nobody would want to be as close to me as he is. I'm afraid of being lonely, so I just keep paying the price again and again and don't know how or when to stop.

I guess, all of that have pushed me to create this world , a world where everything runs the way I want it, no pain ... no betrayal .. no sad tears .. I just don't think if it will become a reality. Perhaps God has a different plan for me and I guess I either have to wait or search for it.

For now, I just need a friend, just a friend that I can really call "True Friend", let me prove that my hypothesis is wrong. Just let me have that feeling of somebody is there for me ...

Today was the last day of National Exam. I'm quite relieved about it, but on the other hand, I'm still worried about my math test result. Hope I'm doing good.

The math test was actually conducted yesterday, and I was upset and worry about it, because I didn't think I lived to the expectation that people have on me. I cried because of it, afraid of disappointing every one who has faith in me. I prayed to God while I was crying, and last night, I think God gave me something that will at least put this matter aside for a moment and leave it all to God as long as I have done what I could.

I thank God for everything, for helping on the preparation and the exam. I know that God will give me the best for me and for everyone, because that is what I'm praying for.

--"God, I've done my best, so please give me the best."--

I need a friend, is it too much to ask for?

People always say, be a friend if you want them to be your friend, but in reality, I don't think that kind of thing even exists. I always "be a friend" to all of people who I know, not just a friend, but a best friend, but what do they give me? Ironic, too ironic ...

Once, a teacher of mine asked me, in my life which is more, happiness or sadness? and I answered, sadness, and that's how I really felt then, I know that I should be thankful for everything that I have right now, for everything that God has given me, but on top of that, there's still a hole in my heart that is in need to be mend.

I lost my friends, but I'm not sure if I founded them in the first place. Without them, I am nothing. Every person that I called friend ended leaving me behind or leaving me out or even betrayed my trust. I paid the price for what they've done to me, and I'm still paying, I can't stop it.