My Downs
It's been quite a while since i posted something here ..
As usual, a lot has happened, the ups and downs, it's been more of a journey than just a story ..
Actually, there were more downs than ups, especially this one day where your nightmare actually came true, something unexpected happened, and I was in a state of shock, I didn't know what to do and say and how to actually react to that situation. The following day, I was eliminating myself from others, I barely talk to them, even some of the teachers asked me what was happening to me, but I didn't dare to say the truth, because it hurts and even more painful than it used to be, because nobody wants the old wound to raise to the surface again ..
But as I said, what has happened was more of a journey that a story, and I hope I've learnt something from it without even realizing it ..
Fact and Fiction
In this blog, there are a lot of entries which are related to my personal life, however, there are also a lot of entries which are fictions.
I like to write, and for now my blog is the right media, at least for me, to write.
But then, how to separate facts from fictions in this blog ?
Unfortunately, you can't .. unless I told you which one is which. So
be careful on what you think, because it might not be true.
Understand Me
For years I've been leaving in my own world . Far from reality . When I come back to reality . I become a person who always smiles to camouflage the pain that I feel inside .
I've buried that pain deep down . in hope that no one would see . because I know . no one would understand the pain that I feel . but I'm tired of being alone in this state . so I began to search someone who can understands me .
Tonight . I've finally found that person . A person who understands me inside . No wonder I feel so close to him . He is the one . The person whom I try to find for as long as I could remember . He understands me . He understands my life . He's a close friend of mine .
So I thank him for that . for understanding me . truthfully .....
Guilty
i've been through the darkest time in my life . and no one knew about it except God .
i've made a promise to bury it in the deepest place where no one could find it .
but i've betrayed that promise . i become more open as more friends are leaving me behind . i become more open in hope that they won't leave me behind .
i should've learnt to keep it hidden forever because now they know about it and still hurting me .
now, i'm too damn full of resentment . to myself . and to them who are leaving me behind without even knowing it .
i need a friend not an enemy . but how can i . when not even people who i call best friends try to care about me . none has shown their respect and love toward me even though i had done everything for them .
i should've kept that promise to stop me from being hurt again .
it's not a prose nor fiction . this is a broken heart and . i plead guilty.
what should i do ?
I feel uneasy ..
it's about him ..
don't know why ..
but I know something big is happening ..
could it be the end ..
our friendship ..
what am i thinking ? ..
optimist .. optimist ..
think positively ..
c'mon ..
but i can't ..
my intuition is too strong right now ..
it's trying to tell me something ..
and I don't know what to do ..
i'm scared ..
i'm furious ..
help me ..
what should i do ?
Hating God
Hating God because He gives you hardship ?
Have you even noticed what you've done ?
How many sins ? How many goodness ?
He won't hate you for hating Him ..
He's God . He doesn't hate his worshippers ..
New Year's Resolution
The second day in January 2007 and I haven't told you about my New Year's Resolution, well my resolutions are not typical, what I mean is not like "I want to score high on my exam", everybody wants that and I want something different, it's something really personal, it has something to do with my personality. *most of it anyway*
So here's my resolutions :
- Lost another 10 kg
- Learn to say "No"
- Learn to let go . I'm not a hoarder though
Yes .. so far I've only come out with 3, who knows maybe someday, I have another resolutions , it doesn't have to be on New Year, does it ?
