"Writing has been a part of my life."
There's no secret to that anymore. Those who know me would know this. But on these past weeks, it's been hard for me to write. You'll notice from my previous update that something has been keeping me from writing on this blog, not physical barrier but more of emotional barrier. There were and still are a lot that I have to deal with in my life.
Yesterday, I spoke to two of my friends about one of the problem that had made me worried for the past weeks. My heart felt lighter after that. I trust them and it took me a long time to finally realize that I can trust them.
Today, I'm able to write again, easily without any worry. So I'm going to write about someone today ...
He's the first person that I consider as my closest friend. I've been struggling with friendship problems for years, and I thought when I met him, these problem would go, but the fact is that it's getting harder and more complicated.
I always thought that he's my protector, but it seems to be the other way around. He is just so naive and fragile, he is easy to be provoked. I'm always there when he needed me, but he's never been there for me.
There was one day when we were chatting, he noticed that I was having problem and I expected him to offer him to be my shoulder to cry on, I thought I said that I don't know who to trust to tell this problem, and he simply said, "You and *someone* are close, why don't you talk to her." He didn't said it like he didn't want to hear me, but a feeling struck me, a feeling that I thought to myself at that time, "I am wrong, he's not the one". It's sad to feel that a person that I care the most, a person that I regard as a close friend makes me feel like I'm just a person that he knows.
I couldn't take it anymore. Once a friend of mine told me that I can't want something in return, but is it wrong to at least get their respect? is it wrong to at least wanting to have someone that care about me when I care about them? is it wrong? please don't tell me that it's wrong!
I know for a fact that I've never been totally honest in any of my entries on this blog, including this one, sometimes I write fiction and doesn't state that it's a fiction, but I do this and I'll always do this to protect at least one person who means a lot to me.
Writing has been a big part of my life. It's the first
thing that I want to do when something is happening.